If You Go…

Life is not always fair. You get only what comes along the way and the capacity to choose between your options is also quite limited. Given the resources available, i hope that at the end of it all, you will never regret the decision you made to want to spend the rest of your life with me.

What happened last night was another of those times when our minds don’t seem to meet. You were trying to communicate with me like mature adults do, but hey i am stuck in the extreme desire to just cuddle you and tell you how much you are missed.

I knew you were aware of the way i was staring at you last night and though you were not comfortable with it, it was the closest i could get to being with you.

For those times when i have been such a pain in the ass, i am really sorry. It is not intended to hurt you. It is the only way i know how to tell you that sometimes i also want to be taken care of in the way only i can understand.

A lot of times you have thought of leaving and for all those times i begged you to stay and you did. A week ago, you decided that you needed space and i got in the way… lucky me, you stayed and we are happy again.

We are journeying through a roller coaster of emotions and i am so happy that you can just be yourself while i have to hide behind the face of someone in control when i know that i cannot dictate everything unto myself.

Last night, i was staring at you because i wanted to preserve that moment in my mind. I want to close my eyes and see the way you are lying there, so close yet so far.

When the day comes that you decide that it is finally over, i will have to let you go. Because maybe, just maybe there is someone else out there who can love you more than i could ever do.

It has always been my threat that i am going to kill myself if you leave… but last night i realized that i cannot be so selfish as to tie you to my heart when you want to be set free.

My heart is bleeding, just thinking about a life without you… but if you go, i will try to be alive and be happy for the marvelous decision that you have made.